Valentine’s Candy Gram Gone Wrong

My dog Romeo, considers himself quite the lady’s dog. He is always preying on unsuspecting females, wooing them over and then breaking their hearts. However, his latest infatuation and love interest, Fifi the French poodle, has him smitten, playing hard to get. As we join the scene in progress, we can see…things did not go quite according to plan!
He decided to dress himself up as a big fat tootsie roll candy gram with a dozen roses and surprise her by pretending to be a telegram, I mean, candy gram! Here is what happened…
[Scene: Romeo knocks on his lady love’s door.]
FiFi: [speaking through closed door] Yes?
Romeo: (Mumbling in fake French accent) FiFi?
FiFi: Who?
Romeo: (mumbling) Are you the beautiful Mademoiselle French poo-dle ?
FiFi: Who is it?
Romeo: [pause] I have de Flowers.
FiFi: Flowers for whom?
Romeo: [long pause] I am de cable repair dear ma’am.
FiFi: I don’t have cable. You are that pesky dog, Romeo, yes?
Romeo: [pause]I am de hot male strip-per for you…
FiFi: [Excited voice now!] Okay, one moment while I slip on something sexy and put on the romantic music…
[Opening the door to Romeo who starts dancing towards FiFi with the rose in his teeth]
Fifi: Oh, you are that pesky Romeo, Get out of here before I call the police! You are no ze sexy dancer I was expecting!
[Fifi slams the door violently!]
Romeo: [Banging on the door] Oh come on mon bébé! [Then…Losing the French accent]I want to be your chew toy baby!!

My Dog May Become the New Easter Bunny!

I came home today to a very strange scene. My dog was…coloring Easter eggs?
I wondered what was up with that and I asked him what the deal was…
He then told me this story which left me confounded and confused!
Yes, you are correct! I am coloring the Easter eggs and with great care. I must master the craft! You see, my old pal the Easter Bunny called me and he is none too happy right now! A recent poll asked youngsters who was their favorite holiday character and Santa Claus won hands down!

He was aghast! He said he guessed guess a few colored eggs and Easter candy can’t compete with a drunken old jolly guy who spoils kids rotten with mountains of toys and video games. Nine out of ten kids also thought the red suit is so out-of-date.

Well, anyway, so my pals says he’s thinking of hanging up this gig for good! His hopping legs have bursitis and his ears are droopy, not perky like they used to be… He’s going on a cruise this Easter to the Bahamas so he wanted to give me first chance at the gig!
Oh, and he said if I did a good job he’d put in a good word for me with the jolly old fat guy!
Yup, I may get that gig too!
Life is really looking up for me! Oh, of course this means I may be moving to Easter Valley or even the North Pole! I know you’ll miss me but you’ll get over it soon.
It’s been great being your dog. Thanks for the memories pal!
So, I guess my dog is the new “holiday guru?” I lost out to a long-eared rabbit and a jolly old fat guy. Love stinks! (sniff…) I need ice cream!!

Doggie Halloween

Doggie hears knocks, but doggie fears not,
At the door, ghosts goodbye, folks you lie,
My nose and I you won’t surprise(“you won’t deny” was said the first time) ………..(Repeat)

Knock knock, let me come in,
I just want us to play,
Doesn’t everybody see you as a nice little doggie,
Little pup, little pup, little pup, let me come in,

Doggie sees them in their costume sheets,
Many rolled up and they’re asking me for alot of sweets,
But I know that some I see aren’t here for trick or treats,
‘Cause I smell grave-dirt and rotten flesh, and there is dracula teeth,

Hey I thought a little kid knocked at the door,
And instead of me looking out the window, I opened and something grabbed me by the throat,
Luckily ticks were behind my leash yow,
5 demons standing at the doorway, the vampire mouth filled with ticks,
A dog’s mouth has ‘howly’ water, so I prepared to spit,

Shut down all the locks, ’cause something is creepy, hey,
Where’s Shaggy and Scooby when you need them with the mystery machine,
Shut down all the locks, fleas are keeping my company,
Why am I seeing Frankenstein, and the Adam’s family and Count Dracula and Freddie,
I put on a fake tough guy face and said, “hey, come test me when you ready!”,
Jason escaped in the house and right where I’m hiding, he chopped up the teddy…bear,
He slashed again, not there, but he shaved all o’ my back’s long hairs,
Here’s Freddie….

Knock knock, let me come in,
I just want us to play,
(Talking)Be a nice little puppy, doggie, nice little doggie,
Let me in!!!!

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