The Twilight Zone Express – Brown Bag Lunch

Narrator: The speed of light is incomparable to the power of imagination. In walks the darkness of reality in the pit of one’s mind. Space and time coagulate as one in the here and the now.

Say hello to a rapscallion vagabond and his dog. Absent is virility, prevalent is poltroonery, and trepidation is instilled in all who encounter them. Sit down and set your dial to T, for The Twilight Express Zone.

The man sat down to a brown bag lunch today and uttered his usual, “Mmm mmm mmm” loudly after each bite.

When he finished, he sat back and continued his routine by belting out his torturous rendition of America the Beautiful.

Well, soon enough, a woman walked up to him and asked him to quiet down and move along.

He said, “Who are you to tell me to pipe down and shove off?”

Woman: “Well sir, this is my station, and Friendly’s Restaurant is for paying customers. And BTW, we don’t allow outside food brought in here. And please, no dogs allowed!”

Man: “Oh, well, that woman over there can bring her own food in but I can’t? This is discriminatory, and dog prejudice in its puritanical form!”

Woman: “She is breast feeding her baby, sir.”

Man: “And, where did she get the milk? Hmm?”


Man: “I hardly think this type of treatment is deserving of a gratuitous gesture, but I tell you what, I’ll grant you 20% of my bill, AAAHAHAAA, LOL LOL LOL!”….


Narrator: Exit Lucifer, evil in the spotlight of the human realm. The man and his dog are gone, but not for goodness. They are for badness, and they champion their role in life as antagonists. Beware of this nocuous sycophant and his impetuous deeds here, in The Twilight Express Zone.

The Twilight Express Zone: Man’s Best Friend

Announcer: This is the home of one Mr. Norman Nelson. He is a nervous man, a frightened man, he is a lonely man that has lived 28 pointless, meaningless, failure laden years. He is, however, a loving pet owner in a place called Any-town, USA. Meet Dog. Dog is his dogs name. Mr. Nelson is not a creative man. He didn’t believe in dog training and felt that dog behavior was up to nature.

His dog’s home, the doghouse, is out in his back yard. On this unseasonably warm spring day, this man’s best friend was viciously barking at it and Norman went out to investigate. This is where the fun begins, here, in The Twilight Express Zone.

This uninspired man looked inside the doghouse but could see nothing in particular. He crawled inside to look around and he soon felt an overwhelming dizziness distort his train of thought and his eyesight was foggy.

He exited the kiosk and immediately noticed that he had a collar around his neck and he was chained. His dog was cooking on the grill as his puppies played in the back yard. They were speaking in an unintelligible language not dissimilar to English, but the words meant nothing to him.

Mr. Nelson attempted to yell out but what was heard was quite disconcerting to him. He took a deep breath and yelled, “RUFF RUFF!”

Astounded at this turn of events, he panned around and saw a sign above the entrance of the doghouse. It said, “Norman.”

His immediate urge was to chase his own tail and quickly he understood why dogs do this. He feared if he caught it, the thrill would be gone – he would’ve peaked too soon.

Norman Nelson was a wayward young fellow who yearned for nothing. He’ll spend his days in another universe as a pet and not as a human. Simpleton he is; he was relieved insofar as all his daily human tasks that had been so daunting, are no longer required, here, in the Twilight Express Zone.

The Twilight Express Zone: Bear Essentials of Lying

Narrator: This is Rex. Rex is 107 years old in dog years, which are the only years that concern him. He was walking through the woods when a giant bear noticed him. Rex looked away and knelt down (yes, this dog can heel, and kneel.)

Caution; you are about to enter — The Twilight Express Zone.

Fearing for his life as the bear approached, Rex looked up to heaven and said, “Dear Dog God, please forgive me for all the giant bears I have slaughtered, I just can’t stop myself.”

Upon hearing this, the bear crept away quietly.

Enter Felix the neighborhood cat. Felix is an ornery little feline and what he just witnessed infuriated him. He caught up with the bear and informed him of the dog’s Tomfoolery. Angry now, the bear and the cat ran back to the scene of the crime.

The old dog had observed the tattle-tale cat and when the bear approached, Rex knelt down to pray again. He said, “Dear Dog God, I just sent a cat to bring me another bear to slaughter. Please, help me. Make that cat fail at his task or I’m afraid I will slaughter yet another bear.”

The demise of a cat named Felix was an egregious sight. Rex maybe old, but along with a high number of years compiled, he also attained a boatload of wisdom, here, in The Twilight Express Zone.

The demise of a cat named Felix was an egregious sight. Rex maybe old, but along with a high number of years compiled, he also attained a boatload of wisdom, here, in The Twilight Express Zone.

The Twilight Express Zone : Hands-Free Dining In Your Car

Narrator: Ever trapped in a dungeon of thought with aspirations of fame and fortune has encapsulated one Mr. Finkle. He is forever coming up with new inventions and gadgets that no one has any purposeful use for. His latest contraption actually seems reasonable. However, you have just entered, The Twilight Express Zone.

Mr. Finkle is a feckless hopeless friendless man that has failed in his inimitable fashion at nearly every opportunity. His dog is his only friend and even he is suspect of his masters’ convoluted ideals. His grand invention is an automatic food dispenser for automobiles. It quickly heats up your desired dish and shoots it toward your face while you are driving. Just open wide, and you will have a hands-free meal.

The often-witless inventor installed his new contraption in his truck and went for a drive. He used his machine successfully and felt quite proud. All week he enjoyed a hands-free hot dog, a pastrami sandwich, and a double cheeseburger that were hoisted into his mouth while never letting go of the wheel. He even rigged it up to shoot dog biscuits at his dearest friend.

Sadly, he pushed his inhibitions too far with hands-free cuisine machine. He has been in the hospital for two weeks now. His egregious error, was cooking up a piping hot bowl of New England clam chowder for his meal on wheels from hell. He did not wear the 3rd degree burns well here, in The Twilight Express Zone.

The Twilight Express Zone: The Sticky Notes Incident

Narrator – You’re traveling through another world, perhaps parallel, perhaps not. This is the land of imaginativeness like no other. The correspondence between fantasy and reality has no clear lines.

Day scene, an idiot savant and his dog. This is a case of a man with too much time on his hands. That’s the sign post up ahead; you’re next stop, the Twilight Express Zone.

“I covered my entire body with sticky notes today, and nothing else. Not all of them were easily applicable, I do admit…

It was bothersome at first but I soon became attached to them. That is, until I went out to check the mail with my dog and an unforeseen gust of breeze flared up. Like popcorn kernels bursting in a popcorn machine, my sticky notes were no longer sticky and they imploded into the air.

I was frantically grabbing my notes all over the neighborhood. The neighbors were grabbing my notes, even a stray dog got a hold of my notes! My dog watched the entire ordeal from the porch and did not come to my rescue. If I didn’t know better, I would think he was smiling.

Anyway, 50-checkered shades of red was I. Oh, the neighborhood moms were demonstrably ill mannered I must say, I would call it downright rude actually!”

Narrator – An idiot on display. He is glamorous by failure, intriguing by accident, interesting by misfortune, apathetic by tragedies. He is the result of not having a plan B in life. Actually, there is no evidentiary plot of a plan A. Please warn your children accordingly, feel free to use him as an example. You have just ventured through another teachable moment from, The Twilight Express Zone.

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