The end of my day usually ends with “story time” for me and my beloved dog Rolfe. Last night it went something like this:
Rolfe old boy, it had been raining cats and dogs, well, more like kittens and puppies, here all day. All of a sudden, it started to downpour just as I headed out to my truck. Normally a bright purple mini-umbrella would be considered emasculating, but I thought I would give it a try.

It was my daughter’s umbrella and I had never used it before. I stepped outside and I could not figure out how to push the rain-protection part up and into rain-protection mode. I fumbled with it for about 40 seconds and then BAWOOOOOSH! It wasn’t a mini-umbrella after all and it became part of my mug!
The thing imploded at warp speed and mangled my face – damn near took my eye out! (My mom never warned me about imploding umbrellas taking my eye out, shame on her.) I later found out that it was an automatic spring-loaded umbrella that pops up when you press the button – which I had inadvertently done.

There should be a man-warning label on these eye-gouging machines! This contraption could be used to thwart of street-tuffs, unwanted guests, or even unruly children. You should be required to have a license to carry wicked dangerous spring-loaded umbrellas!

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