My dog has a habit of watching my every move during my morning routine. It’s a bit disturbing at times, but the little guy is a little weird anyway.

I stepped out of the shower this morning and rushed through my vigorous toweling routine. I heard my phone ring and it was my idiot friend. He is a conspiracy theorist and he said that the government creates all earthquakes, hurricanes, and tornados.

I hung up on the moron and went to return to my toweling off routine, but I forgot where I had left off. I had to start all over again from the beginning.

While I was still a bit wet, I attempted to put my shirt on prematurely. Half on, I saw the tag in my face, backward again. You would think there’s a 50/50 chance you put it on correctly, but not for me, the norm is 90% backward.

Still slightly moist, I tried the old switcheroo without taking it completely off. This never works out; I end up looking like Bruce Lee Karate chopping a family of bees inside my shirt. This is probably why my dog watches me. Either he is mocking me, or it is entertainment for him.

Anyway, I finally got the shirt on correct enough to start my day.

The government controls the weather? What an amazing @$$****.

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