I haven’t been myself at all lately. I haven’t been sleeping, or eating or thinking right and stress is just so…well, stressful!!
My dog must have noticed because he told me he had started a psychiatric help booth and I would be his first patient. He told me to bring plenty of quarters and meet him at the booth on the corner of the street. Well, what did I have to lose??
I dutifully walked down and deposited my quarter for my stress help advice. That was my first mistake! Here is what followed…
“Hi dear friend, have a seat! What can I do you for today? Psychotic episodes? Hallucinations? Are you an insomniac or perhaps a kleptomaniac?”
“Oh, no, no dog, I mean, doctor! It is nothing as dramatic as that. I am just…stressed out! There are long work hours, bills to pay; no time to play and I just can’t seem to get it all off my mind. It’s all I think about night and day! Can you help me?”
“Why yes of course my child! Help is my middle name! Well, no actually it’s Gertrude…but…oh, never mind! Now then, you say you are stressed? Yes, stress is a killer! We must kill it before it kills you. The key to overcoming this stress you are feeling is to focus your mind on something else other than all these problems that are troubling you. I can help but you have to want help. Do you really want it?”
“Oh yes, doctor. I want it. I want it! Give it to me!!”
(My dog comes from behind stand and stomps my foot forcefully!)
“Ow! Hey! What the….”
(He continues with poking eyes….pulls hair….)
“What’s the big idea?? Are you totally mad??!!”
“Tell me my dear friend, what are you thinking about right at this very moment?”
“I’m thinking about giving you a good punch in the nose you moron!!”
“Ah, see…You are cured! You are longer focusing on your problems. I gave you something else to think about! You are cured! Please deposit 583.25 on your way out.”
“I thought it was twenty-five cents!!”
“That was before I knew I could actually cure you!! Ahahaha!!!”