My Dog and Obedience School

I got a call from the principal of dog obedience school, who wanted me to come down and discuss my dog, Bruno’s behavior. She said we needed to “nip it in the bud?” Hmm…What could this all be about? So, I made my way down to the dog obedience school to find out what in the world was going on!

When I went into the office, Bruno jumped from his stool in the corner and licked my face repeatedly. I calmed him down and eyed him suspiciously. He gave me big puppy eyes and said, “There was an incident in the classroom and…I love you SO much!” Oh boy! What was going on??

The principal continued on to tell me that Bruno was not at all serious about trying to learn obedience and was a constant distraction to all the puppies who were trying to learn. I looked over at him and he gave me one of those “Scooby Doo” laughs, shrugged and stretched out his paws like he had no idea what the principal was talking about.

Here is a list of just a few of the offenses:
1) When asked if he was a good dog, he replied with, “I know you are, but what am I??”
2) Ate everyone’s homework and when asked why said, “I just wanted to live up to my name!”
3) Opened the door shouting “RUN!!” and then turned around dancing and sang “Who let the dogs out?”
Bruno is expelled from dog obedience school now. Maybe I should go to “dog owner’s” school to learn how to handle this mutt!! Oy!

My Dog Volunteers at Preschool

My dog decided that he wanted to be a good citizen and give back to society, so he said he wanted to volunteer at the local preschool. I told him I was proud of his newly found civic duty and decided to drive him down myself.
It was right before nap time and the teacher said he should tell the children a story.

My dog cleared his throat and began to speak…

Once upon a time there were three little pigs
Their porridge was too hot so they walked through the woods to grandma’s house
While it cooled
They ran across Little Red Riding Hood and her cousin Goldilocks, who were busy picking poison apples to take to grandma
They got to grandma’s house and went inside
The wolf huffed and puffed and blew grandma’s house down
He then ate the three little pigs, Goldilocks, Little Red Riding Hood and Grandma
After this, he went to crash at the three bears house
He was tired and went to sleep in baby bear’s bed
Baby bear woke him up and said, “my what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf!”
He said, “All the better to eat you with my dear!”
Then he ate mama bear, papa bear and baby bear…

The End!

The children all started crying and their parents had to come pick them up. Then, the teacher filed a restraining order against me and my dog! We are not allowed within 50 feet of any preschool children…

My dog look at me, shook his head and said, “So much for trying to do good deeds! I am SO done with that!!”

My Dog Takes Harassment and Diversity Training

My dog came in the house and slammed the door behind him followed by long strings of curse words; some of which I had never even heard of before!!
“Hey buddy, what’s your beef? I’ve never heard such language from you. What’s the deal?!”
Then, he began to explain…
I had to go to a class at work today called ‘Harassment and Diversity’ training.
Wow, that was really an eye-opener for me! People are all the same—and we should make no difference between anyone based on race, gender, sexual orientation, religion, or preferences of Coke or Pepsi drinkers, McDonald’s or Burger King patrons, sweet-n-sour sauce or barbeque, Smurfs or Non-Smurfs, etc., etc., etc., infinity…
We are all one in God’s eyes and all created equal! We are all different yet we are all the same. Thank you and bless you my dear brothers and sisters! (Collection plate is at the back door…)
I couldn’t agree more! Everyone, no matter who, should be treated the same. I was inspired when I left class and determined to carry over the practice into my everyday life at work.
So when Juan stepped on my toe on the way to the water fountain and I accidentally uttered a curse word, I quickly righted myself and also cursed at Bubba, Jane, Maurice, John, Ebony, Asia and last but not least, that new guy, something Leibowitz…
When my boss confronted me I told him I was only trying to be fair and equal and not discriminate in my cursing! Can you believe I got sent home for the rest of the day without pay?? I get no respect at all I tell ya! I am never going to try to be politically correct again!! Not Ever!!

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