I had a daunting task ahead of me this wintry New England day. I started out by strapping on my brand new pair of tightly laced sneakers. I took my dog out for his morning ‘business’ and I was ready to go. Then I headed off to my back yard – I had me a tree to climb.
As a boy, I could scale any tree in seconds but the years have greatly slowed this body down. Well, I steadily struggled my way toward the top. I was winded halfway up but I had an arduous job to do – a man’s job!
Finally, I was at the top as far as I could go. I reached to the highest branch I could reach and pulled it down a bit. My dog stood staunchly proud down below. I then grabbed the stuffed toy kitten that I had duck taped to the branch the day before. The crowd cheered as I waved my prize in the air.
I then threw the toy to the ground as if I was spiking a football. The capricious gasps soon turned into intemperate apostasy. Just then, the branch that had supported me gave way. I was bouncing from branch-to-branch like a pinball – but I was accumulating no points.
My narcissistic ploy had ended triply egregious; I was certain parts of my body were broken, the neighbors beat me mercilessly for my prank, and my new sneakers were soiled (I suspected that I may be also…)
My disgraced dog mustered up another round of ‘business’ in my direct vicinity, smh…