I was lazily lounging out on my deck with my dog on a day I clearly should have been working. While we were musing at two squirrels that were frolicking in my yard I thought; “I bet when sheep can’t sleep at night, they count people – people that don’t eat sheep.”

Just then I noticed the little fur-balled critters were on the ground wrestling around a bit, amusing indeed.

Moments later they started making funny noises… I thought, “Oh no, they’re fighting now!”

Instinct made me say “FFFFTTT!” Then I remembered that this tactic was dedicated to scaring cats. So I yelled “STOP FIGHTING YOU TWO AND…”

Seconds later – “OMG! They’re not fighting at all!”

I covered my dog’s innocent eyes and yelled, “LITTLE PIGS!” Then I corrected myself and screamed, “NON-DISCRETIONARY PROMISCUOUS CRETIN RATS!”

This was just plain disgusting! Suddenly there were three of them, and then a fourth joined in, a ménage au quatre it seemed.

I felt violated… repulsed… dirty… yet perplexingly curious, I couldn’t look away?

Therefore, needless to say, I ran into the house, microwaved some popcorn, and we went back out to the porch to catch the end of the frivolity of animal kingdom promiscuity… Oh, TMI?

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