1 – I volunteered, and was immediately fired as a hearing ear person for Hispanic blind dogs who have Hispanic deaf owners. Apparently, my sign language and Spanish is a little rusty. They both bit me, and I, them.

2 – I’ve never sold a hotcake in my life so I have no idea how fast that is.

3 – Male Chihuahua’s chase female Chihuahua’s because they like a little tail.

4 – Every time you wake up, the rest is history…

5 – I never shut off my turn signal, ever.

6 – Note to self: I think all murderers are dressed to kill.

7 – My dog hangs out at the fire hydrant manufacturing plant.

8 – My dog told me that he Googled it a hundred times, and there has never been one case of a cat actually in possession of a humans tongue.

9 – I think clowns aren’t good at sewing very well because they seam too funny.

10 – I was at the liquor store today and a guy walked in. The counter guy said, “Hey Dick, how we doing today old boy?”

I interrupted and said, “Funny, that’s what I say every morning when I wake up.”

He said, “WHAT?!!”

I replied, “Yes, my dogs name is Richard and he always sleeps on my bed. I call him Dick for short.”