Curiosity bested me today; I drank three bottles of 5 Hour Energy and a bottle of Nyquil at the same time, just to see what happened. No worries, I am not pregnant and I took it on an empty stomach to be safe. Here are my findings:
1 – I watched 60 Minutes in 18 minutes, and then I blacked out.
2 – I woke up and had a staring contest with myself, my mirror won, I passed out.
3 – I woke up and I was starving so I put some Hot Pockets in a microwave. It was taking too long so I then put that microwave in a bigger microwave so it would cook twice as fast.
4 – The explosion ruined my appetite, and my cell phone, so I sprinted to the neighbor’s house Olympiad style, but I fainted at the doorstep.
5 – I woke up and my dog landed next to me, he must have been thrown from the explosion, he bit me.
6 – I bit him back and we both cried.
7 – We talked it out and we decided that listening to each other’s needs is crucial for a successful dog-to-man relationship. Oh, and I promised not to blow him up again.
8 – I had incredible urges to drive automobile and operate heavy machinery while drinking excessively. My truck, Jack Daniels, and my leaf blower went for an ill-conceived ride through the woods and…
Wait just a minute… I just remembered that I never even had any 5 Hour Energy, or any Nyquil, or a leaf blower, a truck, Hot Pockets, oh and I have never watched 60 Minutes, or even 18 minutes of 60 Minutes.
Huh, well I must have imagined this entire episode. 1 through 7 is a big fat lie. Number 8, however, happens to me all the time. Now excuse me, I am going to have some Froot Loops…